Silence is a choice

Are any of these situations familiar to you? A colleague is publicly criticised in a meeting. Someone's idea is dismissed without consideration. A manager's behaviour crosses a line. A person routinely talks over the top of another person. Someone makes a ‘joke’ at someone else’s expense. And everyone just…watches.

First identified by psychologists John Darley and Bibb Latané in 1968, the bystander effect describes our tendency to assume someone else will act. And the more people that are present, the less likely any individual is to intervene. 

In the workplace, this plays out daily for some. We witness poor behaviour and say nothing. We assume HR or a manager will handle it. We tell ourselves it's not our place. We wait for someone more senior to step in.

However, while everyone is waiting, the toxic behaviour becomes normalised. The target feels isolated, unsupported, unseen or unheard, whilst the perpetrator feels emboldened to continue.

It can be difficult to know how to break this cycle. Physical safety is important. If it doesn’t feel safe to intervene, then the bystander effect doesn’t apply. However, if it is safe, then courage is required to be the person that takes a stand. 

Here are some steps to help.

First, acknowledge that silence is participation. When you witness something and say nothing, you're complicit in its continuation.

Second, you don't need to be the hero. A private word with the person affected matters as much as talking to the perpetrator. Asking "Are you okay?" isn't dramatic, it's empathetic and powerful. It shows solidarity.

Third, if you're a leader, role model the behaviour you expect. Call things out in real time, the ‘right’ moment will never come. Then make it safe for others to do the same.

Finally, agree as a team that speaking up is everyone's responsibility, not just management's.

Culture is shaped by what we are willing to tolerate. If you're not actively challenging poor behaviour, you're passively endorsing it.