Feedback is data not instruction

When I started out on my self-employment journey over 10 years ago, a coach encouraged me to seek feedback, but then reminded me that not all feedback is good feedback. Incredibly, I’d never thought of that before.

Of course, I’d had feedback from people who weren’t qualified to provide it, or whose values didn’t match mine, yet I never thought of it as something I could reject.

That’s not to say that I always thought I was right, far from it, or that I didn’t actively seek feedback from those whose views differ from mine (that way, confirmation bias lies).

The trick is in the distinction between receiving feedback and obeying it.

Receiving it well means listening without defensiveness, sitting with the discomfort if needed, and genuinely asking yourself whether there's something useful there. That part isn't optional. The moment you stop doing it, you stop growing.

But obedience is something else entirely. You're not obliged to implement every piece of feedback you receive, any more than a sculptor is obliged to chisel away every feature a passer-by suggests. The feedback still deserves your attention. It just doesn't automatically deserve your compliance.

The most useful question to ask is: what can I learn from this perspective, even if I ultimately disagree with it?

A critic whose values differ from yours might still be pointing at something real, even if their framing is wrong. A colleague who's never done your job might notice something you've stopped seeing, precisely because they haven't done your job.

That's why diversity of perspective matters. The people who think like you, work like you, and agree with you are the ones who'll leave your blind spots intact. The people who challenge you, who bring a different lens, who make you slightly uncomfortable - they're the ones worth listening to most carefully.

That's different from doing what they say.

The best feedback cultures - in teams, organisations, or coaching relationships - are ones where feedback flows freely and is genuinely considered. Not ignored. Not automatically acted upon. Considered.

Feedback should be treated as data and like all data, it needs interpreting. And you're the one who has to live with the conclusions.