Being polite
For some people, being polite comes naturally. Saying please, thank you, hello, good morning is second nature.
It’s an acknowledgement that as humans we recognise the power that a simple greeting or expression of gratitude can bring to others.
There are some that need it. They want to be seen or heard or for someone to take an interest in them and their mental health (‘How are you doing today?’) - even if it’s just for a fleeting moment. It shapes how they perceive others and approach their work.
Research shows that among employees who experienced workplace incivility, 48% intentionally decreased their work effort, 47% deliberately decreased time spent at work, 38% intentionally decreased work quality, 66% reported lower job performance, and 78% demonstrated reduced organisational commitment.
In a follow-up study, the researchers found that incivility costs organisations approximately USD$14,000 per employee annually.
However, it’s also worth pointing out that there are some people that don’t need it. Their communication style is often direct and the need for ‘pleasantries’ (as they call it) is unnecessary. If that's your view, fair enough. But there's a distinction worth making here, being polite doesn't mean having gushing, emotional conversations, it simply means treating people with basic human decency.
Often when I ask senior leaders what they need to change to lift the performance of their culture, one thing they frequently say is ‘We are too nice to each other’ as if that is a bad thing! In these instances they have mistaken politeness for the ability to have courageous conversations or to set and hold each other to a high standard, recognising that everyone has to make a contribution to the success of a team.
This lack of accountability invariably leads to a pleasant culture, however, it’s politeness and humanity towards each other that stops the culture breaking down irrevocably.
I spoke to someone at a conference last year who told me that they worked in a vibrant culture. When I asked what was the one thing that she believed every team could learn from theirs, it wasn’t discipline, planning, structure or creativity (although vibrant cultures have all of those things), it was ‘we are kind to each other and always take the time to show gratitude and interest.’
In all of the workshops that I run, I always emphasise the importance of politeness and civility towards one another. Difficult? Yes, it can be in the heat of the moment. But culture isn't built on what's easy, it's built on what you do when it's hard. And if you want a great culture with great results, politeness isn't optional.
