When vulnerability helps and when it costs
In my experience many organisations are stressing that their employees should be more vulnerable. I don’t disagree, however, the word vulnerability can sound like an invitation to overshare. Brené Brown’s definition is much broader. She describes it as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.
At work, that covers everyday things like saying you don’t know the answer or admitting you got something wrong. Brown argues that neither is a weakness, and that there is no courage without vulnerability.
In my opinion, that is where the value lies for organisations and teams. A team where people can say those things tends to find its problems earlier, because nobody is spending time hiding them.
If you’re someone more senior however, vulnerability is judged differently.
In three laboratory experiments, researchers found that when someone with higher status admitted a weakness, the listener rated their status lower and was less influenced by them. When a peer said exactly the same thing, there was no such effect.
The authors put it down to expectations. We expect confidence from the people in charge, so an admission of weakness can look like a breach of those expectations. The participants were students, so this is a warning rather than a rule, but it shows how rank changes the way vulnerability is received.
However, senior people shouldn’t stay guarded because of this. Those lower down watch what happens to the people above them, and if nobody with authority ever admits a mistake, it is reasonable to expect that nobody else will.
The key is to choose your moments and words carefully. ‘I got that decision wrong and this is what I am changing’ gives people something to respond to. ‘I am really struggling’ is honest, but it can leave them unsure what you need.
Whether your vulnerability can truly help can be ascertained by asking yourself what you’d like the listener to do with what you have told them. Recognise that everyone makes mistakes? See your emotional skillset as something that is always evolving? Even when you’re at the top, you’re still human? These are all ways your vulnerability can help the culture.
How you respond when someone else shows vulnerability matters just as much. The next person will decide whether to speak up based on how you handled the last one.
Brown is right that vulnerability takes courage. It also takes a sense of what is shared and who is listening.
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