Lessons from Dad
My Dad died last week, after a short illness.
Our parents have the greatest influence on us growing up. Mum (who died 8 years ago) was emotionally intelligent, always ensuring we had empathy and did right by others. Dad - as was often the case with the male parent of his generation - was the disciplinarian. When I stepped out of line (which I did far too often for his liking), I always had to answer to him.
Like all parents, I learned from him - both the good and the bad. Here’s what he taught me.
Discipline is key to goal achievement - Dad was one of eight children from a poor background in Liverpool. Forced to leave school at 15 to work in the local factory, he eventually worked his way up to a senior management position in a utilities company. He sacrificed his free time, studied hard, and ensured we had a different upbringing than he did. He wasn't ambitious, but he was disciplined and determined.
It's OK to show emotion - When I started work, Dad told me quite categorically that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. I disagreed. Hiding how I felt would have been a betrayal of who I was. In the long run, that authenticity has served me well.
Fight for what you believe is right - I was suspended from school three times. The first two were my fault and I had to answer to Dad. The third was completely unjustified, and Dad strongly defended me. When he believed one of the family had been wronged in any way, nothing and nobody could stop him.
There's always a middle ground - Dad and I crossed swords on more than one occasion. I don't think he ever apologised to me once, but I knew that bearing grudges would ruin our relationship. Football, cricket, holidays and the weather (obviously!) were always things I could talk to him about to ensure we never lost touch. Finding the middle ground is how you maintain strong relationships.
Never lose your curiosity - Dad retired in his early 50s and largely stopped developing new interests. He and Mum travelled, but he wouldn't try local food or else engage with new technology. It's easy to call it generational, but it's really an individual choice. For long periods he was bored and said as much. He lost his curiosity once he stopped working, which was a shame.
Don't take yourself too seriously - Dad was funny and great company when he was in the mood for laughter. He sang stupid songs, made up stories, and had a plethora of anecdotes about people with strange names like Simmy Wicherley and Slug Beck that would make your belly ache. Even in his last days he was still joking, and that's how I'll always remember him.
He wasn't perfect - none of us are - and our relationship was rocky at times. But he was still my Dad, someone I loved in my own way and who taught me many of life's most important lessons. Hopefully in 40 years my kids will think the same.
